Why I Am Giving Up My 5-Year Journal

One of the tools Susan recommends is a 5-year journal where you can jot down your day's activities and issues. When I started bootcamp in Oct 2016, I bought a journal and diligently wrote in it every day. And I kept writing in it, whenever my lines were strong, which increasingly over the course of 2017, they weren't.

I've felt guilty for a while for not keeping up the practice. Until I really thought about why.

During bootcamp, it was a great place to note what had happened that day and my BLE progress. It felt good and inspiring to note that my lines were strong and getting stronger. It felt even better to note that my weight was going down and I was feeling happier and healthier.

But as I struggled more and more with BLE, something changed. I was noting more and more often how hard this was. I was writing about my failures. I was writing -- over and over and over again -- how my lines weren't bright and I was binging like I'd NEVER binged before.

I still wrote about my day, but that too got repetitive: "Did two programs today." "Drove for about 4 hours today." When I circled back in fall 2017, it was just an endless cycle of that.

And every time I lost my bright lines, I stopped writing.

Once I hit fall 2017, I started cycling back. And here's what I've noticed:

-- Reading previous entries about BLE is a reminder of last year's failures, which I'm still struggling with.
-- Reading previous entries about my life activities is rather dull. Not enough space to note much, just what I'd done.
-- Seeing huge gaps in my entries kept reminding me of how often I'd slipped.

I was feeling huge guilt about not writing daily. Until I realized ... it was just making me feel bad. Rather than an inspiring reminder of my hard work and accomplishments, it had become a record of my failures and lost opportunities and unfulfilled commitments. It was making me feel really bad.

So I've given up my 5-year journal. I can't devote my entire life to BLE, but I can devote a significant part of the day to it. And the time I give to BLE work has to be given to tools that empower and uplift me. There are other tools I can use.

Instead of a 5-year journal, I am:
-- Writing this blog
-- Following and commenting on other BLE-ers on Instagram
-- Reading sober blogs to remind myself of others struggling with addiction who are out there winning.

For me, I have to adjust my toolbox once in a while to make sure it's still working for me. If a tool isn't working, it's OK for me to toss it out and replace it with one (or two or five) that work better.

Disclaimer: This site is not officially affiliated with Bright Line Eating or Susan Peirce Thompson. The opinions expressed here are entirely my own.