It was a pretty normal work day for me yesterday. Usual driving, usual kind of work. Nothing out of the ordinary.
But oh my word. The food thoughts? Nuts. I was thinking about food just 2 hours after breakfast. All morning I was looking at the clock for lunch hour. When I finished a job at 3 p.m. and got in my car, all I could think about was eating.
The wolfie voice in my brain immediately jumped in, “You’re hungry, you should have a little something or you won’t make it till 5 p.m.” And then, “Maybe instead of eating your packed dinner, you should stop somewhere for a special dinner.”
Then the voice really got nasty: “Why don’t you just order some bread with dinner, how much can one piece of bread hurt?” “It’s been a hard day, you deserve a normal-sized meal. Don’t worry about measuring or even eye-balling.” “Hey, there’s an Italian place. Go there for dinner!”
Arrrrrrggggh. What in the world? Suddenly I was back in the world of food-thought madness, circling in my brain like a maniac. Every other thought was about what I was going to eat, how much, how soon. What was going on?
I stopped for a cup of decaf coffee and sat down to just gaze outthe window and watch my thoughts.
And gradually, it was clear. Crystal clear. I was tired. I woke up at 5 a.m. and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I finally just got up and went on with my day.
And now that sneaky little wolfie addictive brain was using my tiredness as an excuse to start playing all the old tapes in my brain, sending the same messages that have messed me up in the past.
But this time, I know better. I know that very time I give in to Wolfie, Wolfie gets stronger, while I lose my momentum, do a U-turn and have to go through the struggle-to-resume dance.
And I know that every time I stick to my plan, I get stronger. Every time I refuse to give in, I build resilience. I develop the tools I need and get more and more confidence that I can do this.
So I went to bed early last night. Another round to me, Wolfie. Ha! Take that.
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