I need sleep, not food

Operation Resume day 13 completed. Treat for another bright squeaky clean day: Pedicure

It was a pretty normal work day for me yesterday. Usual driving, usual kind of work. Nothing out of the ordinary.

But oh my word. The food thoughts? Nuts. I was thinking about food just 2 hours after breakfast. All morning I was looking at the clock for lunch hour. When I finished a job at 3 p.m. and got in my car, all I could think about was eating.

The wolfie voice in my brain immediately jumped in, “You’re hungry, you should have a little something or you won’t make it till 5 p.m.” And then, “Maybe instead of eating your packed dinner, you should stop somewhere for a special dinner.”

Then the voice really got nasty: “Why don’t you just order some bread with dinner, how much can one piece of bread hurt?” “It’s been a hard day, you deserve a normal-sized meal. Don’t worry about measuring or even eye-balling.” “Hey, there’s an Italian place. Go there for dinner!”

Arrrrrrggggh. What in the world? Suddenly I was back in the world of food-thought madness, circling in my brain like a maniac. Every other thought was about what I was going to eat, how much, how soon. What was going on?

I stopped for a cup of decaf coffee and sat down to just gaze outthe window and watch my thoughts.

And gradually, it was clear. Crystal clear. I was tired. I woke up at 5 a.m. and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I finally just got up and went on with my day.

And now that sneaky little wolfie addictive brain was using my tiredness as an excuse to start playing all the old tapes in my brain, sending the same messages that have messed me up in the past.

But this time, I know better. I know that very time I give in to Wolfie, Wolfie gets stronger, while I lose my momentum, do a U-turn and have to go through the struggle-to-resume dance.

And I know that every time I stick to my plan, I get stronger. Every time I refuse to give in, I build resilience. I develop the tools I need and get more and more confidence that I can do this.

So I went to bed early last night. Another round to me, Wolfie. Ha! Take that.

Recovery expectations versus reality

Day 6 of current resume completed. Treat: Magazine with cover story on royal wedding

In a food recovery journey, it sometimes feels like everyone else is having a much easier time.

But actually, most people’s food recovery journeys are filled with U-turns and wrong directions and resuming and misdirections.

 This great illustration sums it up perfectly:

I found it HERE.

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You Have to Do the Work — and It’s Hard

Sometimes, this work gets hard.

Doing everything on my nightly checklist is a drag.

 Ugh, all that reading inspiring things and taking time to meditate.
Having to come up with gratitudes!

Remembering to listen to a podcast (something new I’ve added to my nightly checklist).

Even worse, even harder, is having to stick to my bright lines. Having to not open the pantry door when it’s 8:30 and the urge is strong. Eating hamburgers without buns. Saying no to rolls at dinner. Turning things down over and over when at a party or a dinner out.

Last week, I unexpectedly had to drive home later than I’d expected. The drive began at 10:30 p.m. and took 2 hours. I’d eaten dinner at 5 and the hunger was extreme. Not to mention the stress of knowing I’d be tired tomorrow — and I was annoyed that I’d been delayed so long.

But those are the moments. That’s when the rubber hits the road. For BLE to work, you have to do the work. You just have to.

It’s not always easy. Heck, often it’s downright hard. You still have to do it. Just follow the f-ing plan. Don’t make a U-turn and go back to the beginning.

You have to do the work, and it’s hard.

Disclaimer: This site is not officially affiliated with Bright Line Eating or Susan Peirce Thompson. The opinions expressed here are entirely my own.