What does it take? It takes what it takes.

Had a HUGE win yesterday. It was a long day — two-hour drive to a gig, a long session afterwards with a dear friend who is coping with job loss and serious marriage crisis. Forgot my pre-packedj weighed and measured lunch at home. Then came home to find my dear little pug Blackie limping and yelping when I tried to pick him up.

Normally, these are the things that would cause me to eat sugar and flour. The voice in my head telling me to eat was SO LOUD. It was like my brain literally thought I was going to die if I didn’t eat right now. I spent an agonizing hour debating in my head.

Finally, a combination of things worked:

— I reminded myself that ANY “use” just increases the cravings for me. It doesn’t make the voice in my head stop. I need to hold fast to my belief that I only eat to nourish my body, not to cope with emotions.

— I reminded myself that I really really really want to keep up the gold stars on my calendar. I have some momentum and don’t want to lose it because it is so hard to get it back.

— I promised myself that I could order a dress I’ve been eyeing for a while IF I didn’t eat. I even

went online and put it in my checkout basket but wouldn’t pay for it until I made it through the night.

— Once I’d reassured myself that my little guy didn’t have a fracture and didn’t need to go to the emergency vet (that is, he’ll be all right to make a visit to the regular vet in the morning), I put him on my lap. So I literally couldn’t get up without potentially hurting him.

Blackie just before being lifted onto my lap

And it WORKED!! It worked.

In the light of morning, this sounds like a ridiculous amount of work just to keep from eating. Honestly, I have to tie myself down with a dog to keep from eating?

But the voice in my head can be ridiculously loud and insistent.

What does it take to keep off sugar and flour? The answer is, always, that it takes what it takes.

I am so happy to wake up today proud of myself, able to add a gold star to my calendar.

And I just ordered that dress!