My previous post was about how you can use daily treats as a tool to reward yourself for daily practice. In my view, abstinent treats are an important, much-needed pat on the back for the hard work of daily abstinent accomplishments.
But there's also another way you can use abstinent treats.
When you were over-eating, you probably had days when a co-worker pissed you off, or your sister-in-law said something nasty, or your kid screamed at you, and your first instinct was to eat over it. You also probably had days were something went awesome -- a work promotion! a graduation! birthday! The weekend! Tuesday night! -- and you ate over that as well.
Us over-eaters tended to use food as our "special treat" whenever we needed a little boost.
Obviously, if you're recovering from over-eating, you don't want to keep doing this. Numbing yourself out with food and drowning your emotions isn't healthy, either for your body or your mind. You need to develop new, healthful ways to bring joy and peace and happiness to your life.
And this is where abstinent treats can also be a powerful tool.
The same abstinent treats you might use as gold stars and pats on the back for daily practice, also work to help ANY time you are getting through something that stirs up big emotions.
Again, there are a few basic ground rules:
1. Do it even if you think it won't work.
I had a friend once say "nothing else gives me any joy but food." That's exactly why she needed to reward herself with abstinent treats.
Our brains are remarkably open to rewiring. You can rewire your brain so that when something emotional hits, it starts to crave something besides food.
Think of this as training your brain to crave healthy treats -- things that genuinely soothe you, rather than just numb out the emotions. Many of us turned to over-eating because we never really learned how to self-soothe and care for ourselves in any way but by using food.
So … Have a nasty run-in with a co-worker? Go treat yourself to a sweaty intense work-out.
Celebrating your birthday? Splurge on a fancy massage at the local spa.
Got through a family potluck gathering without any of the sugar-y or snack-y foods that weren't part of your eating plan? Reward yourself with a new body cream in that fragrance you love.
Come home from a long day of work and errands? Treat yourself to cozy pjs and a great mindless romance movie.
These are things that are genuinely proven to soothe you and help you manage your emotions, rather than just drowning them out.
2. Do it even if it feels silly.
You might start to think "oh, come on, I don't need to treat myself to a cup of my favorite tea just because I got through my nephew's birthday party without eating any cake."
Yes, actually, you do. You need to have that treat, and as you're having it say to yourself "this is my treat for getting through my nephew's birthday party without cake."
I'm naturally introverted and getting through any big work-related networking event depletes me. So if I've got something like that on my calendar, I figure out a treat for myself once I get through it without eating off my food plan. "Once I get home from this event without having eaten anything, I get to spend 20 minutes soaking in a warm tub with my new bath oil."
Because if you've been an over-eating for a long time, getting through difficult event without over-eating is really, really hard to do.
You need to explicitly pat yourself on the back for hard work in order for your brain to associate doing something like that with positive feelings, not deprivation. You need to reward yourself for doing something difficult.
3. It can't be food. It can't be food. It can't be food.
Obviously. And it also can't be alcohol or cigarettes or anything else that tends to numb you out rather than genuinely care for yourself. It has to be healthy and good for you.
4. It has to be special to you.
As with daily treats, it has to be joyful to you. If you hate massages, don't get a massage. If working out makes your skin crawl, don't do a workout.
The idea isn't to force yourself to do a self-care activity that you hate. You're not trying to wrestle yourself into "I am soothing myself, dammit."
What you're trying to do is to rewire your brain to immediately look for something pleasurable and soothing and happy when your emotions are going haywire.
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