20 Things I Can Do to Shift My Mood

Yesterday, I got really stressed out. A huge traffic jam delayed me. I forgot to go shopping for dinner ingredients. A family crisis happened.

When I was overeating regularly, at moments like this, I tended to think that the ONLY thing that would effectively calm me down and shift my mood from negative to positive was eating.

So today I'm challenging myself to come up with 20 non-food-related things that I know will shift my mood.

— Take a walk at a forest preserve and breathe in the smells of nature

— Play loud music and sing along at the top of your voice

— Take a bath with candles lit and soft music playing

— Go through knitting magazines and pick out a new project

— Go through catalogs and shop for upcoming birthday or holiday presents

— Give yourself a pedicure or manicure

— Get a massage

— Go to the library and pick out a trashy fun novel

— Buy yourself a pretty new lipstick

— Take the dogs on a long walk or to the park

— Clean out one drawer or cabinet in the house

— Make a list of your favorite movies and watch one of them

— Find a new yoga workout on DVD or online and do it

— Wash and vacuum out your car

— Dab lavender oil on palms and breathe deeply

— Pick up some flowers with a lovely scent

— Go to a bath-products store and try out new scents of body lotions

— Get physically comfy — put on super-soft pajamas and socks, wrap up in a big blanket — and curl up under the covers in a dark room

— Get on Pinterest and create a board of things that make you feel peaceful and happy

— Send quick emails to three friends remembering a happy memory you shared with them

And BAM! There it is. Proof that you don’t need food to calm and comfort yourself.

Next time something happens where I know I need to shift out of a negative mood, I’m going to challenge myself to do one — or two, or five — of the things on this list.

Why do I overeat when I'm stressed?

"Why do I overeat when I’m stressed? Even though I no longer binge eat, stressful events almost always lead to overeating. It’s frustrating because I want my eating to be stable, regardless of life's circumstances."

I read this question on the website of another person who blogs about overeating. That blogger had some great advice.

But that question has stuck with me. Because it's so so so true. I too inevitably seem to overeat when I'm stress. Why? And what can I do?

Here's what I'm starting to think:

Over many, many years, you probably regularly overate whenever you were stressed. And that's totally understandable -- eating works. It distracts you from whatever is stressing you out, it zaps your brain into a soft fog, and it gives you a little jolt of happiness to counteract the stress.

Except that over time, eating stops working. It becomes awful for your body's health and it starts to become uncontrollable. Your brain gradually decides that this is what you need and must have whenever stress hits. 

To borrow from Amy Johnson in The Little Book of Big Change, it's like you've set an alarm clock to go off whenever stress hits.

So when you try to stop overeating the alarm clock is still set. Your brain still sends out the signal: "Oh you feel stressed? Eat eat eat eat eat eat."

The only way to stop that signal? The only way to reset the alarm clock? 

By ignoring it. By not listening to it. 

You have to consciously tell yourself that this is just an old alarm clock setting. It's OK, there's no actual need for food, your brain is just sending out old neurological junk. This is an old habit that you don't need any more.

I am NOT saying that this is easy. It can be excruciatingly hard not to eat when your brain is outright demanding it. The urge to eat can feel like the same urge to breathe or sleep or go to the bathroom.

But it WILL fade. It does fade. The more often and the more consistently you don't eat when you're stressed, the more faint the voice will come. One of the great wonders of the human brain is that is can be retrained. You can retrain it to crave other things -- things that will genuinely relieve your stress, rather than just numb it out.

So try this.

Step 1: Tell yourself this is just old neurological junk your brain is spitting out. It's old information you don't need anymore. There's no need to act on it.

Step 2: Do something that is genuinely proven to relieve stress. Take a nap. Call a friend. Soak in a hot tub with the candles lit and soft music playing. Put on cozy PJs and snuggle with your dog.

If the urges continue, repeat steps one and two. Keep repeating them until your brain rewires.

Thoughts about a busy week coming up

The week of Thanksgiving is always extra stressful when you're an overeater.

Not only are you juggling how you'll handle all that food, you also have to deal with the stress that comes with any celebration: cleaning the house, organizing tablecloths/seating/menus, grocery shopping, dealing with crazy Aunt Helen. Inevitably, there will be some crisis like the central heating konking out.

One small thought I recommend you keep in mind: Anything you have to do will be harder if you're overeating.

Life is much easier when you're not flooding your body with excessive food, sugar, and flour. Everything. Scrubbing out the refrigerator. Organizing airport pick-ups. Driving to your mom's house. Dishwasher flooding. Cooking. Cleaning. Small talk.

It is all easier when your brain is clear. You'll sleep better. You won't feel guilty or headache-y. You'll have energy.

No matter how much your brain tells you that eating will help, it won't. Life goes better when you aren't over-eating.

What to say to yourself when you starting asking, "What is the Point? Why Bother?"

I was driving home yesterday from a gig that was 2.5-hours away. That's always danger time for me. Since my work requires a lot of driving, I tend to get easily restless and bored when I have too much time in the car. Audio books and podcasts help, but only so much. Eventually my mind starts to work itself up.

And if it's been a few hours since a meal, my mind really starts winding itself up. Yesterday, at about the 1.5-hour mark, my brain went off on a fairly typical rant having to do with my healthy eating. It went something like this:

Why am I even bothering? What is the point? Why am I doing this? Why bother?

It's a familiar refrain. Really kind of funny, when you think about it because rationally, I know the answer (eating poorly robs me of a healthy brain, is the road to heart disease and stroke and diabetes, just increases the cravings). There are a gazillion reasons why I'm not eating crap anymore or eating in an unhealthy way.

But of course my brain isn't asking this questions because it needs a rational answer. No one's brain really wants the reasoned, scientific answer.

When those thoughts pop up in your brain, there is usually only one reason why:

You're bored. You don't know what to do with yourself. Your brain has slipped into a crack (as it is soooooo good at doing) and is trying to exploit it.

In my experience, your brain asking "why bother?" is virtually always a sign that you're bored or restless or tired.

What it is definitely is NOT a sign of:

that you need to eat something. It means there is a trigger there which you used to respond to with food, but don't anymore. Your brain has noticed the trigger and is asking for food to fill it, because that's what used to happen when you hit that trigger.

So instead, I recommend doing something. Pick up a satisfying hobby. Take out a coloring book. Clean out your closet. Exercise. Make out your food plan for the week. Start planning your holiday gift shopping. Take a nap. Whatever. Find something absorbing to do and see if that doesn't take your brain off the ruminating.

In my case, I turned on the radio, cranked up some high-energy tunes and sang along as loudly as I could. Might have looked a bit odd to my fellow drivers, but it worked for me.

What does it take? It takes what it takes.

Had a HUGE win yesterday. It was a long day — two-hour drive to a gig, a long session afterwards with a dear friend who is coping with job loss and serious marriage crisis. Forgot my pre-packedj weighed and measured lunch at home. Then came home to find my dear little pug Blackie limping and yelping when I tried to pick him up.

Normally, these are the things that would cause me to eat sugar and flour. The voice in my head telling me to eat was SO LOUD. It was like my brain literally thought I was going to die if I didn’t eat right now. I spent an agonizing hour debating in my head.

Finally, a combination of things worked:

— I reminded myself that ANY “use” just increases the cravings for me. It doesn’t make the voice in my head stop. I need to hold fast to my belief that I only eat to nourish my body, not to cope with emotions.

— I reminded myself that I really really really want to keep up the gold stars on my calendar. I have some momentum and don’t want to lose it because it is so hard to get it back.

— I promised myself that I could order a dress I’ve been eyeing for a while IF I didn’t eat. I even

went online and put it in my checkout basket but wouldn’t pay for it until I made it through the night.

— Once I’d reassured myself that my little guy didn’t have a fracture and didn’t need to go to the emergency vet (that is, he’ll be all right to make a visit to the regular vet in the morning), I put him on my lap. So I literally couldn’t get up without potentially hurting him.

Blackie just before being lifted onto my lap

And it WORKED!! It worked.

In the light of morning, this sounds like a ridiculous amount of work just to keep from eating. Honestly, I have to tie myself down with a dog to keep from eating?

But the voice in my head can be ridiculously loud and insistent.

What does it take to keep off sugar and flour? The answer is, always, that it takes what it takes.

I am so happy to wake up today proud of myself, able to add a gold star to my calendar.

And I just ordered that dress!

Sneaky ways my brain tries to get me to eat

I had to travel today. A one-day in-and-out visit from my home near Chicago to a small city two states away. Flying there required transferring planes in Detroit. The Detroit airport is huge and I once missed a flight there (when I couldn’t race from one gate to the next in time), so it always stresses me out going there. I was nervous already when I woke up this morning. It didn’t help that I had to drive to O’Hare Airport during early rush hour Chicago traffic.

When I arrived at O’Hare Airport, I was informed that the first leg of my flight was delayed. Delayed an hour. Grrooaaann.

That meant I wouldn’t arrive in Detroit in time to get to the gate for my second flight. Grroooaannn again.

No worries, the gate agent told me. They had transferred me to a different flight for the first leg of my trip. Same departure time as my original flight.  Just one hitch — it was leaving from Midway Airport not O’Hare. Midway is about 45 minutes away. They’d give me a cab voucher.

I raced outside, grabbed a cab and begged the driver to get me to Midway as fast as possible. Go, go, go. The driver raced down there, while I hyperventilated in the back.

I’m making a short story long, but the point is this — it was a stressful morning. Very stressful.

And for the first time, I really noticed how all that stress immediately set my addictive brain in action.

No, more than that. Actually, I think my addictive brain was thrilled. Here was the perfect excuse to get me to eat. I was stressed! What could be better?! Bring it on! The more stress, the more likely she is to break!

My addictive brain just thrives on stress. It loooooves it when I’m stressed.

No wonder I immediately was thinking about food, where I could go for a treat, what airport food I’d eat, where I’d go for dinner tonight as a reward for all this stress. I was thinking about food, rather than thinking about how to keep myself calm and at peace.

No wonder my brain tells me it’s a good idea to start doing laundry at 10 p.m. Or to start cooking something when I’ve only got 20 minutes till I need to leave the house.

My addictive brain has a lot to gain when I work myself up into a stressed condition.

And, to get my food thing under control, I can’t let get myself get caught up in the stress cycle. I just have to do the best I can, and then release the results.

This isn’t an easy process, but at least I know what tricks that little devil is up to. And that’s the first step to getting him to stop.

My emergency action plan didn’t work. Here’s what does

The other day, I posted about why my emergency action plan (my plan for what to do when I’m about to eat food off my plan) never works.

At the moment where I’m standing in front of the fridge or the open cabinet, it’s too late. The train had left the station.

So here’s what I’m doing now. Instead of an “emergency action plan,” I’ve put together a pre-emergency emergency action plan. A PEEAP. This is my plan for what to do when the stress and overwhelm first begin, often a few days early, when the food thoughts pop into my head, when I first sense that I might be heading for break. This is when I’m at a 3 or 4 or 5 on my “I’m-gonna-eat” scale, rather than at a 9 or 10. Want to know what those first signs are? I wrote about them HERE.

My PEEAP consists of a list of tools I undertake to avert an emergency. It’s pretty particular to me since I know by now what my weak spots are.

First, get a really good, long sleep. Go to bed super early. Get 9 or 10 hours sleep, if possible. Sleep deprivation is a huge stressor for me and many of my food plan breaks happen when I’m lacking sleep.

That didn’t work? OK, on to the next tool.

Take a spa bath (candles, spa music, low lights, scented oil in tub).

That didn’t work?

Take a long walk out in nature, like a forest preserve.

That didn’t work?

Get yourself a treat for keeping to your food plan. Obviously, not a food treat. Treat yourself to fresh flowers, a new lipstick, a trashy magazine, anything special that you explicitly say is your treat for keeping to your food plan.

That didn’t work?

Make a list of everything you have to do and start cutting it down. What can you eliminate? What can you delegate? What can you do quickly to get it done and off your plate? Strive to get stuff off your plate and off your shoulders.

You get the idea. You just go from A to B to C to D and so on until you feel the stress start to ease.

Your list might be very different. Getting a good long sleep might not be an option. Calling a friend or sponsor might work for you.

The point is, get a PEEAP toolkit and at the first sign of trouble, starting ticking through them. Do as many as you need to do to head off an emergency.

Is your emergency action plan not working? This might be why

So last night, I ate. And ate and ate and ate. First, I ate my prepped and pre-planned healthy meal. Then healthy stuff I had not planned. Then borderline-healthy stuff that was close to crap as I could possibly get. I ate until I felt ill.

It’s no big secret what caused it. It’s been a busy spring for me, without a single full day off in about 11 weeks. There were a few days where I had to drive 2 hours each way to gigs. I’m in the car on average 4 hours a day, often in rush hour traffic or, ugh, construction.

All day yesterday, I was in full-on “OMG I have to eat right now” mode. Every food store was singing to me. Restaurants were unbearable to pass. I drove past a bakery and almost had a meltdown.

By which I mean: I knew this was coming. My body was screaming at me — enough enough enough. I am strung-out and worn-out. I want to eat and I want to eat now.

When I was standing in front of the pantry, reaching for the bag of non-food, there was not a single thought of my emergency action plan (EAP) in mind (the plan of what to do if temptation hits. I even keep a copy of it in my wallet: Call a friend, take a walk, journal, meditate, take a bath with candles and spa music.)

It didn’t work for me for the same reason it has almost never worked for me. At the moment I was standing in front of the pantry, it was too late. I was already over the edge and gone. Nothing was going to make me reach for emergency action plan, much less reach for the phone, by that point. In fact, it didn’t even occur to me to look at it.

Listening to coaching calls from other Bright Line Eaters, you often hear the same thing. It often doesn't even occur to people to look at their EAP when they are in the moment.

That got me thinking. Maybe "in the moment” is too late. Maybe the time to intervene was earlier. Maybe I should have intervened in the days when I first started feeling the tiniest bit tired.

It didn’t happen, and so the exhaustion continued and the stress just built. Day by day, stressor by stressor, until on about day 5, I snapped. On the “I need to eat and I need to eat now” meter that goes from 1 to 10, I was at 11.

Maybe if we can recognize when we are in “pre-slip” or “pre-binge” or “pre-relapse” mode, when we’re at a 2 or a 3 or a 5, maybe that is a better time to step in.

And, really, it’s not that hard to recognize when it's happening.

Here are some easy steps to recognize when you are in "pre-bright-line-break" or "pre-break" or “pre-relapse” mode:

1) You stop using all your tools consistently. “

I’m too busy today to meditate." "It won’t hurt to skip just one day.” “I’m just bugging her calling her every day.” "I'm too tired to write in my gratitude journal tonight."

2) You let in little slips to your meal plan. 

Not full-on binges, just a few little bites. “I’m just going to eat a few almonds to take the edge off my hunger.” “A few extra ounces of fruit won’t hurt.” “It’s the end of the salad dressing anyway, I should just use it up.” Little slips open the door.

3) You are having a lot more thoughts about food. 

You're more aware of the fast food places you drive past. You think more about what you're going to have for dinner. You daydream about treats.

4) You feel overwhelmed.

This is the big one. You start thinking “It’s too much work.” “I am exhausted.” “Why is this so hard?” It doesn’t even have to be that you're overwhelmed about food. It can just be about life — about the diapers piling up or the emails that won’t stop or the people constantly begging for your attention or the rush-hour traffic.

That is when you need to snap to attention. Intervene now. Stop the nonsense before it builds into a break in your food plan or a full-on binge.

Coming up next: How to create a pre-emergency emergency action plan to head off a bright line break or food relapse.

[Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with Bright Line Eating or Susan Peirce Thompson. The ideas expressed here are my own.]

Stressed? Here's why sugar won't help

Imagine this: You got little sleep last night. You worked a full day, argued with a co-worker and got criticized by your boss. You haven't cleaned your house in a while.

What's the first thing you do when the workday ends?

Yeah, I hear ya. If you're anything like me, the first thing you want to do is tear into the pantry and grab something really tasty. And by tasty, I mean packed with sugar and flour. It's the delicious cure-all. The one thing guaranteed to calm you down and it always works.

Except that it doesn't. Not anymore.

That's pretty much the way it works with almost anything we use repeatedly to alleviate discomfort and pain. It could be alcohol. Or cigarettes. Or opioids. For a while, it works great. That's why you keep doing it.

But then, it starts taking away from you. With food, it takes away your stamina, your energy, your clothes, your self-pride, your confidence, your health. It can take away your limbs and even your life.

So how do you get yourself to really believe that sugar and flour don’t in fact work to relieve stress?

Lately I have been working to reframe my beliefs. Take a simple statement: "Food relieves stress and anxiety and calms me down."

Now, sit with that statement and start to question it. WHY do I believe this is true? And is it, really, deep down, true?

This makes the picture start coming into focus better. Sure sugar and flour might give me a brief, temporary moment of relief. But then it gives me shame, self-disgust, self-anger, low energy, headaches, clothes that don't fit.

It doesn’t really help me deal with the stress. It just numbs me out and distracts me from it. Afterwards, the cause of the stress is still there: the fatigue, messy house, anger at co-worker. Now I have just added shame and regret to it.

What REALLY relieves stress? Dealing with whatever is causing the stress.

Tired? You need to take a nap or get to bed early.

Upset at being criticized? Maybe this is your chance to learn ways to separate your inherent self-worth from the work that’s being criticized or ways to accept productive criticism in a useful and not destructive way.

Arguing with a co-worker? Maybe you need to develop skills so you can handle conflicts without destroying yourself.

Messy house? Maybe it's time to hire a housecleaning service, or make a plan to get better help from other family members, or make a schedule so you can tackle a little bit daily and it doesn't overwhelm you.

You get the idea. Deal with the cause of the stress, rather than drowning it in food.

Sugar and flour not only don't get at the underlying cause of your stress, they actually distract you from what you need to do to address that underlying cause.

The way to get rid of stress is to deal with what's causing it.

Address the stress, rather than burying it with food.

One of your most powerful BLE tools is right in your bedroom

I woke up today feeling great. Tons of energy, clear thinking, good mood.

Of course, I know why. It's because I got 9.5 hours sleep last night. And that reminds me to remember that one of my most powerful tools: bed.

Had a stressful day? A good night's sleep will help restore you.

Struggling not to eat during the witching hour between dinner and bedtime? You can get into bed. It's OK to go to bed at 7:30 p.m. if needed.

Want to maintain your BLE momentum? Getting enough sleep is critical to you success.

Sleep is always a good idea. Bed is a safe place to be.

Disclaimer: This site is not officially affiliated with Bright Line Eating or Susan Peirce Thompson. The opinions expressed here are entirely my own.

3 Things I’m Doing to Reduce Stress

Yesterday, I got caught in a major traffic jam. There was construction, and a drive that should have taken about 50 minutes (stressful enough) ended up taking 90 minutes (major stress). I came home with a brain screaming, “Food! For heaven’s sake, get me food.”

Clearly, stress is not good for my program. For me to succeed In my food recovery, I have to reduce my stress wherever possible.

So here’s my plan the next time I get stuck in a raging traffic jam. This comes from research — not mine, but scientists. I’m adapting their suggestions to my traffic stress:

1) Be Grateful.

Heaps of studies show that a lack of gratitude contributes to stress and depression. And, conversely, people with more gratitude experience lower levels of stress.

Whenever I’m stuck in traffic and my stress rises, I will challenge myself to think of three things I’m grateful for at this moment. The blue sky, enough gas in the tank, a safe car, whatever. Maybe I’ll try to think up ten. Or twenty. There are always things to be grateful for.

2) Change Your Thoughts.

Our brains can only focus on one thing at a time. You can refocus your thoughts onto those with less stress.

So, I will challenge myself to think of three ways this stressful situation is actually a good situation to have: It lets me catch up on more of an audiobook, it lets me practice being kind to fellow drivers, it lets me learn how to handle stressful traffic better!

3) Learn to Relax.

It’s a cliche, but doing something relaxing is proven to reduce stress. Fresh air and breathing are big ones for me.

So, I will challenge myself to open a window and let fresh air in. I will breathe it in.

I will practice my 7-11 breathing (breathe in on a count of 7, breathe out on a count of 11).

These three things — gratitude, changed thinking patterns, and relaxation techniques — have been proven by science. If scientists say they work, that’s reason enough for me to try them.

Disclaimer: This site is not officially affiliated with Bright Line Eating or Susan Peirce Thompson. The opinions expressed here are entirely my own.

Don't add stress to your stress

Here's the thing about feelings: Life is full of them. If you are a living human being, you will have feelings.

But when you eat to avoid your feelings, you are adding stress to your existing stress. It's like pounding your hand with a hammer to avoid boredom. Sure, you're not bored anymore. But now you've got a bigger problem.

Eating for any reason other than your body's nourishment is just adding a problem to a problem.

Saying No: How to Implement One of the Most Powerful BLE Tools

The longer that I do Bright Line Eating, the more I realize how critical it is for me to reduce the "overwelm" in my life.

Getting enough sleep, meditating, those are all part of it. So is taking walks in nature and spending time with my family.

Reducing overwhelm helps me maintain peace and balance in my life. The more peace and balance, the less likely I am to feel the stress and exhaustion triggers that lead me to break my bright lines.

But even more than sleep and meditating and walking outdoors, learning to say no has been the biggest help. By far the biggest help.

I'm a huge people pleaser, so it is painful for me to say no. For a long time, I regularly said no without thinking, rather than risk someone not liking me or feeling hurt.

I ended up hurting myself because I was overcommitted, stressed, and resentful.

So I've begun actively teaching myself how to say no.

One of the best resources I've ever found for doing this is an e-Book by Christy Wright called "25 Ways to Protect Your Time."

Christy includes great, practical suggestions for how to turn down social invitations ("What a fun event. I normally would love something like that, but I'm already overcommitted. Thanks for thinking of me.") or volunteer work ("That sounds great. We actually have several organizations we volunteer for already, so we can't add anything new right now. Best of luck though."

(I have no official connection to Christy and don't get anything in return for this. I just love her stuff).

What I love is that her suggestions are clear and unambiguous, but also kind. You don't have to use white lies, but you also don't have to be rude or rejecting.

Disclaimer: This site is not officially affiliated with Bright Line Eating or Susan Peirce Thompson. The opinions expressed here are entirely my own.

Three turning points that were essential in my BLE journey

After slogging along on this BLE path for so many months, it's easy for me to feel like I'll just never get it. It's just never going to click for me.

So sometimes I have to stop and acknowledge that I've had some many "ah-ha!" moments on this journey. And those turning points have been profound. Here are the three most remarkable turning points I've hit:

1. Realizing that I cannot have "just one" and resume BLE tomorrow. This belief wasn't something I ever really consciously articulated. In fact, the longer I did BLE, the easier BLE seemed to be. So, since it didn't seem that hard, I couldn't understand why I couldn't just resume. "I do this every day. I can take a day off and then just go back to doing it." It took 16 months of trying to resume for me to realize that resuming is wildly, incredibly difficult. So no, I cannot take a day off. I cannot take an evening off. I cannot have just one.

2. Realizing that flour is as much a problem for me as sugar. Early on, I thought that my real problem was sugar, so I could have flour, at least in moderation. It wasn't until I eliminated sugar entirely that I realized how quickly my addictive behaviors switched to flour-based foods. After binging for months on Ritz crackers and croissants whenever life got hard, I realized that, yes, flour is a problem and yes, I need to eliminate it.

3. Realizing that "not eating" is not a substitute for "eating." When I broke my bright lines, it was usually because I was trying to avoid something: feelings I didn't want to feel, thoughts I didn't want to think. For a long time after starting BLE, I didn't know how to deal with those overwhelming feelings and thoughts. Eating had been my primary, if not my only coping mechanism. "Not eating" wasn't a coping mechanism. I needed better coping strategies and habits. Meditation was a good start, but it wasn't enough for me. I needed a lot of other tools: gratitude work to help shift my thinking patterns, developing solid self-care habits (learning to say no, relaxation rituals, time-outs), learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings. I needed tools to deal with the feelings I was trying to avoid by eating. Only when I got those in place did BLE work for me.


An eating-disorder recovery expert, Andrea Wachter, said, "If you keep going and don’t give up, your awareness will deepen and your progress will reveal itself, often when you least expect it."

Disclaimer: This blog and I are not officially affiliated with Bright Line Eating or Susan Peirce Thompson. The opinions expressed here are entirely my own.