Why do I overeat when I'm stressed?

"Why do I overeat when I’m stressed? Even though I no longer binge eat, stressful events almost always lead to overeating. It’s frustrating because I want my eating to be stable, regardless of life's circumstances."

I read this question on the website of another person who blogs about overeating. That blogger had some great advice.

But that question has stuck with me. Because it's so so so true. I too inevitably seem to overeat when I'm stress. Why? And what can I do?

Here's what I'm starting to think:

Over many, many years, you probably regularly overate whenever you were stressed. And that's totally understandable -- eating works. It distracts you from whatever is stressing you out, it zaps your brain into a soft fog, and it gives you a little jolt of happiness to counteract the stress.

Except that over time, eating stops working. It becomes awful for your body's health and it starts to become uncontrollable. Your brain gradually decides that this is what you need and must have whenever stress hits. 

To borrow from Amy Johnson in The Little Book of Big Change, it's like you've set an alarm clock to go off whenever stress hits.

So when you try to stop overeating the alarm clock is still set. Your brain still sends out the signal: "Oh you feel stressed? Eat eat eat eat eat eat."

The only way to stop that signal? The only way to reset the alarm clock? 

By ignoring it. By not listening to it. 

You have to consciously tell yourself that this is just an old alarm clock setting. It's OK, there's no actual need for food, your brain is just sending out old neurological junk. This is an old habit that you don't need any more.

I am NOT saying that this is easy. It can be excruciatingly hard not to eat when your brain is outright demanding it. The urge to eat can feel like the same urge to breathe or sleep or go to the bathroom.

But it WILL fade. It does fade. The more often and the more consistently you don't eat when you're stressed, the more faint the voice will come. One of the great wonders of the human brain is that is can be retrained. You can retrain it to crave other things -- things that will genuinely relieve your stress, rather than just numb it out.

So try this.

Step 1: Tell yourself this is just old neurological junk your brain is spitting out. It's old information you don't need anymore. There's no need to act on it.

Step 2: Do something that is genuinely proven to relieve stress. Take a nap. Call a friend. Soak in a hot tub with the candles lit and soft music playing. Put on cozy PJs and snuggle with your dog.

If the urges continue, repeat steps one and two. Keep repeating them until your brain rewires.

The BLE Party Game

Got a party to go to this week? Try this game:

1) Arrive late.
2) Bring BLE-friendly food with you.
3) Bring a BLE-friendly (that is, non-sugar) drink with you.
4) Post a bookend on FB before you go, committing to stick to your food plan.
5) Phone a buddy before you go.
6) Locate at least one other person at the party who is not consuming sugar or alcohol. See, you're not alone.
7) Find one other person at the party you've never met before (or don't know well). Learn three new things about them.
8) Pop into the bathroom at some point and do a quick meditation or prayer.
9) Leave early.
10) Bookend on FB when you get home announcing your big success.

You get one point for each activity completed. Get ten points, you WIN!

The prize: Get home and dance around your living room, blasting happy music and celebrating that YOU DID IT!!!!

The unique struggle of starting BLE from a smaller number

Bright Line Eating recently added special interest groups and I'm thrilled. Hooray! A way to make the big Bright Lifers facebook group seem smaller and less intimidating. A way to connect with people who share your struggles.

And ... there was no group for me.

Sigh.

I was hoping there might be a group for people who have relapsed repeatedly (yeah, that would be me). Or introverts who avoid phone calls the way vampires avoid the sun (also me).

Or ... for people who began with smaller numbers.

Now, that last statement might make you pause. Aren't the people coming from larger weights the ones who need Bright Line Eating most? Isn't their weight often a serious health issue? Even a life-and-death situation?

Yes. Yes. And yes.

And.

And I am convinced that people who begin the program at lower weights have unique struggles and challenges. I don't say worse. Not bigger. Not more important. But unique and absolutely challenging struggles.

I've been thinking about this a lot ever since I read somewhere that some members of Overeaters Anonymous feel resentful of people who come into meetings and don't look obese. That broke my heart, because my fight with food (and I bet many others' fight) has been decades-long and immensely painful, even though you might not see it as clearly on the outside.

So here's my attempt to address the issues, for those curious about why people who struggle with food addiction but don't have huge weight problems have unique challenges:

1. It's easy for us to tell ourselves "it's not that bad. I don't need to address my food issues."

I've been a food addict for at least 39 years, going back to the days when I hid candy in my childhood puppet theater and sometimes bought two ice cream cones pretending one was for a friend, even though I planned to eat them both. I once bought a box of cake mix so I could eat the whole thing out of the box. In high school, I never ever ever wore pants without a long sweater or tunic over it, to hide the "enormous" size of my butt (I wore a size 12 at the time). Food issues tortured me through high school, college, graduate school, my early career. Years and years.

Still, with restriction and deprivation, I managed to keep my weight in the "overweight" category. At my heaviest, I wore a size 18 on my 5'7" frame — very upper limit of overweight-but-not-obese. But thoughts of food consumed me. It was my best friend, my go-to resource, my constant companion. I hid food from my roommates so they wouldn’t eat it. I panicked if the kitchen didn’t have enough sugary treats in it. I carefully planned trips according to what I could eat on the road.

But when you're not obese, it's easy to tell yourself that your problems just aren't that bad. If you really had a problem with food, you'd be heavier. You're not, so you must be someone who just really really really likes food.

So committing to any food recovery or weight-loss plan was incredibly difficult for me. It was so tempting to quit when it got hard. I would look at people who were obese and reassure myself that I was not as bad as them. They had a problem, but clearly I didn’t.

Except, of course, I really did.

2. Since we're not as heavy as other people, it's easy to make little exceptions that lead to big falls.

I relapsed about 2 weeks after my first Bright Line Eating bootcamp ended.

Yep. Two weeks.

It was Christmas. All my favorite treats were around. I told myself, "hey, I did this thing successfully for 8 weeks. I did great and after all, I'm not as heavy as some of the other people in bootcamp were when we all started. I afford to make one exception. I don't have all that much weight left to lose. Besides, these goodies were made by my niece, who I adore. It would hurt her feelings if I didn’t eat at least one. I can afford to have just one."

So I did. That "just one" led to a string of bright-line breaks, which led to 18 months of heart-breaking, challenging, unsuccessful attempts to resume Bright Line Eating. Eighteen. Months.

Actually, I'd told myself all through Boot Camp that my issues weren't as bad as some others. I hadn't even started Bright Line Eating in order to lose weight. I didn't mind the idea of losing weight, but I'd be OK if I stayed where I was (at the time, at 181 pounds).

So I'd made some little exceptions right from the beginning. Kept the won-ton strips on my Asian salad. Ate some popcorn a few nights when the hunger was really bad. Had a piece of bread in a restaurant if it was a special occasion.

Not surprising, others in my Boot Camp House hung on to their bright lines afterwards for much, much longer. Whenever I poked into Facebook houses, they were talking how they still had squeaky-clean bright lines 10, 25, 50 weeks after boot camp ended. I read the stories of how they'd lost 30 pounds, 50 pounds, 70 pounds. They were wearing smaller clothes and posting photos of huge celebrations.

And there I was, stuck, not moving down any further than my initial 17-pound loss, consumed by my addictive food voice, unable to lose any more and completely unable to resume successfully.

3. It’s easy to feel guilty for being in a weight-loss program, like you’re doing it for selfish and vain reasons, rather than addressing a serious food issue.

One of the first Bright Line Eaters I met in person, rather than virtually, said to me, not long after we met, "Oh, you're in maintenance, right?"

At the time, my BMI put me still in the "over-weight" category. Not even close to the weight goal of 140 I’d set for myself. Miles away from the goal weight of 120-130 for the French plan Susan Peirce Thompson described in Boot Camp.

I felt like a loser, so miserable since I was having so much trouble resuming Bright Line Eating. Her sweet comment, clearly intended as a nice complement, should have made feel proud to be where I was.

Instead it made me feel selfish and vain. Why did I think I even needed to keep doing this food plan? Clearly, I looked fine to others. Was I just wanting to get a handle on my food for vanity's sake, so I could wear skinny jeans and look like a model? It felt like I didn't have a right to want this -- I just needed to get over my vanity and accept my body where it was.

Final Thoughts

Again, I don’t say that food-recovery issues for a person beginning at a smaller number are worse or larger or more painful than for others. But I do say that there are struggles and they are unique struggles.

My particular struggles with relapsing over and over have a lot to do with these challenges.

So in a variation of what Susan Peirce Thompson says about the temptation to monitor what others are eating — I say, when it comes to how much weight a person does or does not have to lose, I really have to keep my eyes on my own plate, not compare myself to others, and remember why I'm on this journey.

[Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with Bright Line Eating or Susan Peirce Thompson. The ideas expressed here are my own.]

Why day two is the hardest day of a BLE resume

Day two treat: car wash

Operation Resume: I finished my day 2 with squeaky clean bright lines. But wow, it was tough.

Day two, I’m realizing, is the hardest day of a resume for me. On day 1, I’m filled with enthusiasm and excitement. I’m doing this! I’m on! Let’s go!

But on day 2, the buzz has worn off a little bit. My brain has kicked in, realizing it didn’t get its “fix” yesterday. It starts telling me that I can just give in a little. It’s early in the journey. Just give in today and start the resume again tomorrow. Make tomorrow my day 1 — I won’t have lost any time.

I found myself yesterday at a banquet luncheon, waiting to begin my presentation. The lunch was served late and took forever. I wasn’t eating with everyone so that wasn’t a problem, but I was waiting for a long time. And I knew I had an evening program to get to next, in a town about 90 minutes away. My stress started to rise.

And — There was a table filled with delicious goodies. Right. There. By. Me. Super-easy to just swipe a few. No one would notice. I deserve it for having to wait so long. I’ll just start my resume all over tomorrow.

The struggle was real.

So here’s what I did:

1) I told myself that I never ever ever want to have another day 2 of BLE again. Day 2 sucks and I don’t ever want to do it again. Knowing I would have to document it here (admit it here) helped.

2) I moved away from the table, repeating the mantras, “that is poison to me” and “one bite means a hundred bites.” I focused on how I feel when I have binged out and reminded myself that lately I have been unable to do just a bite. It’s always a binge and it feels horrible horrible horrible.

3) I have committed to eat only meals I have prepared and brought with me for the next 23 days. I can do 23 days. It’s less than a month. These goodies will still exist after that. I can reassess after that.

4) I reminded myself that I have left extra time for travel. I set up 3 hours for my 90-minute drive. There was a big ole cushion. Even if the luncheon ran an hour late, I’m still OK.

And you know what? It was fine. I got through the struggle. I didn’t eat. Both of my presentations went well. I ate only the prepped and weighed food I’d packed and brought with me.

So on to day 3! I’ve got a two-day streak going now. Time to make it a 3-day streak.

[Disclaimer: I am not officially affiliated with Bright Line Eating Solutions or Susan Peirce Thompson. The opinions on this blog are my own.]

Do I really have to give up alcohol too?

I was explaining Bright Line Eating to my mother one day:

“You have four bright lines: no sugar, no flour, three measured meals a day with no snacks.”

“Wow. That seems like a lot to give up.”

“And apparently the successful people also give up alcohol and coffee.”

“So you have to give up, like, 5-6 things. Even alcoholics focus on abstinence from just one thing: alcohol.”

That got me thinking. Like so many others, I resented being told to give up alcohol and coffee. Come on, it’s hard enough just to give up sugar. I have to give up flour too. And snacks. And unmeasured meals. And coffee. And alcohol. And I don’t even drink much alcohol because more than one gives me a headache and puts me to sleep! Harrumph.

Ok, I’m not going to argue here the benefits of doing so, which are covered much better elsewhere. I totally get it. It is definitely a good thing to give up all these things. But it just felt SO unfair.

Isn’t it crazy unfair that at AA meetings they always have sugary goodies and coffee available? At least they do in movies, I’ve never been to one so, yeah, I don’t know what I’m talking about, but I do know that people I’ve met trying to recover from alcohol addiction eat a lot of sugar and drink a lot of coffee. How come they don’t have to give up that sugar but I have to give up alcohol? Unfair, unfair. Harrumph.

Then again, one of the things I’ve learned in this journey is that my thinking creates my moods. To keep my moods even-keeled, I need to keep my thinking peaceful and balanced, not resentful and full of “woe-is-me.” So I need to reframe this thing. Rather than feeling like my journey sucks because I have to give up so much, maybe I need to shift my thinking. What if alcoholics who ease their cravings by eating sugar and drinking gallons of coffee are actually making their recovery harder not easier?

Maybe there just hasn’t been enough time/studies/insight about sugar in alcoholic recovery. Maybe future brain science studies will show even more convincingly that eliminating sugar and coffee in alcohol recovery makes the journey much easier. People just don’t know or believe that yet.

Maybe I shouldn’t get annoyed that alcohol addicts still “get” to eat sugar and instead give myself a hug. By giving up alcohol (and coffee and flour and snacks and unmeasured meals), I’m making my recovery a lot easier.

What I “get” by giving up all these things is an easier journey where my brains heals more quickly and with less stress. That is totally worth it.

Three Things to Stop Doing If You Want to Hit Your Food Goals

 

When I was trying to figure out how to stop eating in an addictive way, I must have made every mistake in the book.

It took forever for me to figure out what to stop doing and how to stick to my bright lines.

If you've been struggling with resuming, or getting yourself to eat according to your food plan regularly, here are some mistakes you too might be making:

(1) Focusing on your weight, not your days with bright lines.

Susan Peirce Thompson says this over and over because it's true: If you focus on your weight, you'll lose your bright lines. If you focus on your bright lines, you'll lose the weight.

But oooohhh, it's so tempting to keep weighing yourself regularly when the plan is working. It feels so awesome to see the scale move down and the pounds drop off. Hooray! It boosts your motivation and keeps you revved up to continue.

So what's the problem? Well, inevitably the scale stops moving. You hit a plateau. You've been doing BLE for a long time and the rapid losses slow down. You start struggling and breaking your lines. Whatever it is, the weight loss slows or stops.

For me, that meant a sudden and immediate plummet in my motivation and willpower. My addictive voice would jump in: "Why are you starving yourself if you're not losing weight? What is the point? Why bother with all this work if you're not even losing?"

Only after this happened multiple times did I realize, I just can't use the scale as a motivator. For every time it helped me, there are as many times it really hurt me.

So I hid the scale for a long time and even now only weigh myself once a week, if not once every few weeks.

I measure my success by the number of squeaky-clean days on my calendar -- I put a gold star sticker on my calendar for each clean day. I do NOT measure my success by my weight.

(2) Thinking you don't have to do the work.

Ever had a situation like this? You wake up feeling fresh and motivated. Today you will eat clean! You will eat only what you planned for the day! You will not break a single bright line!

Then your day begins. Stressful things happen. You get in an argument, your workload increases, you get stuck in traffic. Whatever. Your thoughts turn to food. By the time you get home, you've convinced yourself that "a little treat won't hurt."

I must have done this a hundred times. It was so easy to make those vows -- and so easy to break them.

And I was usually baffled. I was still doing all my tools -- writing my gratitudes list, committing my food, meditating, writing in my 5-year journal. Why weren't these keeping my lines bright???

It took me forever to figure out that keeping my lines bright takes work. The tools are useful, but they aren't the work itself. They're just the support for the work.

That means: You keep your bright lines bright and you do whatever you need to do to keep them bright.

For me, I have to make bright line eating a priority. Maybe not forever, but for sure for now. I have to use all my support tools. I have to blog, and read clean eating blogs, and follow Instagram folks, and listen to sober podcasts, and commit my food, and prep my food, and bring my meals with me.

I have to keep my bright lines bright. That's the work, and it's hard, but I have to do it.

(3) Thinking food is the key to happiness.

When I first considered giving myself a treat for every day that my lines are bright, I couldn't thinking of any treat other than food. [Read my post on treats HERE.]

Anything else -- a trashy magazine, a new kind of tea, a new lipstick -- I'd just buy anyway. I could not imagine anything giving me joy the same way food did.

And I get it. It's hard to imagine celebrating a birthday without a special dessert. What else can make Christmas or Valentine's Day a special celebration other than all the food treats that come with it? When you've had a hard day, what will calm you down and make you happy better than food?

And the sad thing is, food works. It does bring happiness and calm and joy in the moment.

I spent way too many years treating food like some kind of joy juice. It was the secret to making life special.

Except it's not.

Sugar and flour are (as far as I'm concerned) drugs. If all we needed to bring joy into our lives was some sugar and flour, then we'd be able to predictably get joy from it. But we don't. People who eat massive amounts of sugar and flour aren't leaping through their days on a joyful journey of perpetual happiness.

And, I know plenty of people whose lives are filled with joy who never eat sugar and flour.

Finding other ways to bring joy, happiness, contentment and peace to your life is critical to long-term BLE success for me. I'm doing everything I can to find other things besides food that make me joyful.

[Disclaimer: This blog is not affiliated with or endorsed by Bright Line Eating Solutions or Susan Peirce Thompson. The opinions expressed here are entirely my own.]

Day 1 of the 90 Day Challenge

Today I am embarking on a 90-day challenge.

For the next 90 days, I  will not eat sugar or flour. I will follow the Bright Line Eating Plan. No matter what. Bad things might happen, but I won't eat sugar or flour. Incredibly horrible things might happen but I won't eat sugar or flour. Funerals, illnesses, weddings, birthdays, all these things might happen but I'll be sugar and flour-free. I can say no to whatever I want. I can leave early or go to bed or cry, but I'll be clean. I'm not eating sugar or flour for the next 90 days. No matter what.

Today's date: Feb. 6, 2018
90 Days from Now: May 7, 2018