20 Things I Can Do to Shift My Mood

Yesterday, I got really stressed out. A huge traffic jam delayed me. I forgot to go shopping for dinner ingredients. A family crisis happened.

When I was overeating regularly, at moments like this, I tended to think that the ONLY thing that would effectively calm me down and shift my mood from negative to positive was eating.

So today I'm challenging myself to come up with 20 non-food-related things that I know will shift my mood.

— Take a walk at a forest preserve and breathe in the smells of nature

— Play loud music and sing along at the top of your voice

— Take a bath with candles lit and soft music playing

— Go through knitting magazines and pick out a new project

— Go through catalogs and shop for upcoming birthday or holiday presents

— Give yourself a pedicure or manicure

— Get a massage

— Go to the library and pick out a trashy fun novel

— Buy yourself a pretty new lipstick

— Take the dogs on a long walk or to the park

— Clean out one drawer or cabinet in the house

— Make a list of your favorite movies and watch one of them

— Find a new yoga workout on DVD or online and do it

— Wash and vacuum out your car

— Dab lavender oil on palms and breathe deeply

— Pick up some flowers with a lovely scent

— Go to a bath-products store and try out new scents of body lotions

— Get physically comfy — put on super-soft pajamas and socks, wrap up in a big blanket — and curl up under the covers in a dark room

— Get on Pinterest and create a board of things that make you feel peaceful and happy

— Send quick emails to three friends remembering a happy memory you shared with them

And BAM! There it is. Proof that you don’t need food to calm and comfort yourself.

Next time something happens where I know I need to shift out of a negative mood, I’m going to challenge myself to do one — or two, or five — of the things on this list.

Quick thoughts on Thanksgiving

I've tried the overeating thing. It doesn't work for me. I've tried overeating at Thanksgiving gatherings (and Christmas parties and family get-togethers and birthday parties and other celebrations). Been there, done that, don't benefit from it. 

This year, I'm doing a normal eating version. I can do that this year. I don't have to commit to doing it every Thanksgiving forever, I am just committing for this, just one year. 

For today, I'm not overeating. Doesn't suit me. I've done it. Thanks, but no thanks. 

I know my brain will tell me otherwise, but I will simply let the overeating thoughts float past me. I don't have to act on them. Eating-wise, today is like any other Thursday. 

I plan to wake up tomorrow morning feel victorious and happy and free. That is a very big thing for me, so it's worth doing. I want different results for my body and my health, so I'm trying different things. 

[This is my adaptation of an inspiring sober text from the ever-inspiring Belle Robertson. tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com]
 

Why do I overeat when I'm stressed?

"Why do I overeat when I’m stressed? Even though I no longer binge eat, stressful events almost always lead to overeating. It’s frustrating because I want my eating to be stable, regardless of life's circumstances."

I read this question on the website of another person who blogs about overeating. That blogger had some great advice.

But that question has stuck with me. Because it's so so so true. I too inevitably seem to overeat when I'm stress. Why? And what can I do?

Here's what I'm starting to think:

Over many, many years, you probably regularly overate whenever you were stressed. And that's totally understandable -- eating works. It distracts you from whatever is stressing you out, it zaps your brain into a soft fog, and it gives you a little jolt of happiness to counteract the stress.

Except that over time, eating stops working. It becomes awful for your body's health and it starts to become uncontrollable. Your brain gradually decides that this is what you need and must have whenever stress hits. 

To borrow from Amy Johnson in The Little Book of Big Change, it's like you've set an alarm clock to go off whenever stress hits.

So when you try to stop overeating the alarm clock is still set. Your brain still sends out the signal: "Oh you feel stressed? Eat eat eat eat eat eat."

The only way to stop that signal? The only way to reset the alarm clock? 

By ignoring it. By not listening to it. 

You have to consciously tell yourself that this is just an old alarm clock setting. It's OK, there's no actual need for food, your brain is just sending out old neurological junk. This is an old habit that you don't need any more.

I am NOT saying that this is easy. It can be excruciatingly hard not to eat when your brain is outright demanding it. The urge to eat can feel like the same urge to breathe or sleep or go to the bathroom.

But it WILL fade. It does fade. The more often and the more consistently you don't eat when you're stressed, the more faint the voice will come. One of the great wonders of the human brain is that is can be retrained. You can retrain it to crave other things -- things that will genuinely relieve your stress, rather than just numb it out.

So try this.

Step 1: Tell yourself this is just old neurological junk your brain is spitting out. It's old information you don't need anymore. There's no need to act on it.

Step 2: Do something that is genuinely proven to relieve stress. Take a nap. Call a friend. Soak in a hot tub with the candles lit and soft music playing. Put on cozy PJs and snuggle with your dog.

If the urges continue, repeat steps one and two. Keep repeating them until your brain rewires.

The BLE Party Game

Got a party to go to this week? Try this game:

1) Arrive late.
2) Bring BLE-friendly food with you.
3) Bring a BLE-friendly (that is, non-sugar) drink with you.
4) Post a bookend on FB before you go, committing to stick to your food plan.
5) Phone a buddy before you go.
6) Locate at least one other person at the party who is not consuming sugar or alcohol. See, you're not alone.
7) Find one other person at the party you've never met before (or don't know well). Learn three new things about them.
8) Pop into the bathroom at some point and do a quick meditation or prayer.
9) Leave early.
10) Bookend on FB when you get home announcing your big success.

You get one point for each activity completed. Get ten points, you WIN!

The prize: Get home and dance around your living room, blasting happy music and celebrating that YOU DID IT!!!!

Thoughts about a busy week coming up

The week of Thanksgiving is always extra stressful when you're an overeater.

Not only are you juggling how you'll handle all that food, you also have to deal with the stress that comes with any celebration: cleaning the house, organizing tablecloths/seating/menus, grocery shopping, dealing with crazy Aunt Helen. Inevitably, there will be some crisis like the central heating konking out.

One small thought I recommend you keep in mind: Anything you have to do will be harder if you're overeating.

Life is much easier when you're not flooding your body with excessive food, sugar, and flour. Everything. Scrubbing out the refrigerator. Organizing airport pick-ups. Driving to your mom's house. Dishwasher flooding. Cooking. Cleaning. Small talk.

It is all easier when your brain is clear. You'll sleep better. You won't feel guilty or headache-y. You'll have energy.

No matter how much your brain tells you that eating will help, it won't. Life goes better when you aren't over-eating.

Why it's important to say "I don't eat that"

I was at an event last night where sugary treats were offered.

I work as a public speaker so this happens a lot. This year is the 200th anniversary of the state of Illinois, and since I give a talk related to Illinois history, I've had the honor of speaking at a number of museums and historical societies about some of the remarkable people from this state.

And often afterwards, there is cake.

Last night, when someone offered me a slice for the umpteenth time, I used a phrase I've never used before:

"Oh, no thanks. I don't eat sugar."

That's not what I've been saying. For the past two years, since I started trying to kick sugar and flour, I've been saying things like, "Thanks but I had a big dinner, I'm stuffed" or "it looks great but I'm cutting back on desserts." I've even accepted treats saying I'll eat them later at home (then thrown them out -- I can accept the kindness of their gift without having to accept the sugar).

But I've never been comfortable saying, "I don't eat that." Saying you're full, or saying you're dieting, that feels acceptable. People applaud you for dieting (sigh). There's something that feels different about saying "I don't eat sugar."

For me, it feels like I'm being superior or condescending -- "oh, you might eat that awful substance but superior people like me don't." I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, or make them think I think I'm better than them.

And OK, that's probably not a bad thing. It's not wrong to want people to feel comfortable. And really, there's nothing wrong with saying "thanks but I'm stuffed."

But maybe, now that I'm further in my journey, maybe that's why it's important I DO say "I don't eat that."

Driving home, I started thinking about how we don't judge people who say "Thanks, but I don't eat meat" if someone offers them a steak. We don't think people who say "thanks, I don't drink" when booze is being handed around are snobbish (at least, I don't -- those people are heroes and role models to me). Certainly, these days most people don't judge someone who says "I'm not a smoker" if someone offers them a cigarette.

So maybe what we say about sugar needs to change. Maybe that's why I SHOULD say "I'm not a sugar eater."

How can each one of us help contribute to a world where sugar isn't available nearly everywhere and where people are applauded for choosing spinach and apples over cake? Well, one way is to get out there and tell people "I don't eat sugar." Be a role model. Break away from the herd.

It's a good way to convince yourself that this part of your new identity. You're not "on a diet" -- you're a non-sugar-eater.

But even more importantly, I really believe that this is how cultural change happens. One by one. From the bottom up. The more people who start saying "I'm not a sugar eater," the more likely it is that this will become unremarkable, acceptable, and even applauded.

So that's my challenge for today. Whenever someone passes me a bread basket or offers me a cookie, I'm going to look them right in the eye and say "no thanks, I don't eat that."

Abstinent Treats Part Two: Why You Need to Treat Yourself

My previous post was about how you can use daily treats as a tool to reward yourself for daily practice. In my view, abstinent treats are an important, much-needed pat on the back for the hard work of daily abstinent accomplishments.

But there's also another way you can use abstinent treats.

When you were over-eating, you probably had days when a co-worker pissed you off, or your sister-in-law said something nasty, or your kid screamed at you, and your first instinct was to eat over it. You also probably had days were something went awesome -- a work promotion! a graduation! birthday! The weekend! Tuesday night! -- and you ate over that as well.

Us over-eaters tended to use food as our "special treat" whenever we needed a little boost.

Obviously, if you're recovering from over-eating, you don't want to keep doing this. Numbing yourself out with food and drowning your emotions isn't healthy, either for your body or your mind. You need to develop new, healthful ways to bring joy and peace and happiness to your life.

And this is where abstinent treats can also be a powerful tool.

The same abstinent treats you might use as gold stars and pats on the back for daily practice, also work to help ANY time you are getting through something that stirs up big emotions.

Again, there are a few basic ground rules:

1. Do it even if you think it won't work.

I had a friend once say "nothing else gives me any joy but food." That's exactly why she needed to reward herself with abstinent treats.

Our brains are remarkably open to rewiring. You can rewire your brain so that when something emotional hits, it starts to crave something besides food.

Think of this as training your brain to crave healthy treats -- things that genuinely soothe you, rather than just numb out the emotions. Many of us turned to over-eating because we never really learned how to self-soothe and care for ourselves in any way but by using food. 

So … Have a nasty run-in with a co-worker? Go treat yourself to a sweaty intense work-out.

Celebrating your birthday? Splurge on a fancy massage at the local spa.

Got through a family potluck gathering without any of the sugar-y or snack-y foods that weren't part of your eating plan? Reward yourself with a new body cream in that fragrance you love.

Come home from a long day of work and errands? Treat yourself to cozy pjs and a great mindless romance movie.

These are things that are genuinely proven to soothe you and help you manage your emotions, rather than just drowning them out.

2. Do it even if it feels silly.

You might start to think "oh, come on, I don't need to treat myself to a cup of my favorite tea just because I got through my nephew's birthday party without eating any cake." 

Yes, actually, you do. You need to have that treat, and as you're having it say to yourself "this is my treat for getting through my nephew's birthday party without cake." 

I'm naturally introverted and getting through any big work-related networking event depletes me. So if I've got something like that on my calendar, I figure out a treat for myself once I get through it without eating off my food plan. "Once I get home from this event without having eaten anything, I get to spend 20 minutes soaking in a warm tub with my new bath oil."

Because if you've been an over-eating for a long time, getting through difficult event without over-eating is really, really hard to do. 

You need to explicitly pat yourself on the back for hard work in order for your brain to associate doing something like that with positive feelings, not deprivation. You need to reward yourself for doing something difficult.

3. It can't be food. It can't be food. It can't be food.

Obviously. And it also can't be alcohol or cigarettes or anything else that tends to numb you out rather than genuinely care for yourself. It has to be healthy and good for you.

4. It has to be special to you.

As with daily treats, it has to be joyful to you. If you hate massages, don't get a massage. If working out makes your skin crawl, don't do a workout. 

The idea isn't to force yourself to do a self-care activity that you hate. You're not trying to wrestle yourself into "I am soothing myself, dammit." 

What you're trying to do is to rewire your brain to immediately look for something pleasurable and soothing and happy when your emotions are going haywire.

Abstinent Treats Part One: Why It's Important to Reward Yourself

Lately I've been loving the idea of "sober treats" as advocated by the fabulous Belle Robertson of tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com

Belle uses the term "sober treats" in working with people trying to recover from over-drinking. But treats can work just as well for those recovering from over-eating. I call them "abstinent treats."

The basic idea is that we're hard-wired to like rewards for doing something successfully. We like getting gold star stickers on our homework as kids. We like getting a high-five for hitting a home run. We like getting "likes" for a super Facebook post.

In the same way, we get a warm, cozy, happy feeling when we get a little reward for successfully following a food plan.

And while it might sound silly, it's a powerful tool.

So if you're new to a food plan, or struggling to stick with one, try this:

For every day (or every two days) you follow your plan exactly, give yourself a treat. Obviously, if we're talking about people struggling with food issues, it can't be a food treat. But it should be something that's special for you and that gives you a little happy burst.

Finish your first day eating only and exactly what you planned? Treat yourself to a few fresh flowers.

Finished two days perfectly clean? Treat yourself to a fun magazine you don't need.

Finished three days with no breaks in your plan? Get a new lipstick.

Finished a week? How about soaking in a hot tub with candles lit and spa music playing?

After the first few weeks, you might not need a daily treat. Maybe switch to a treat every two days. Then later, maybe a treat every week. Whatever. You can figure out a time schedule to works for you.

There are a few specific rules, however:

1) It has to feel special to you. 

If you don't drink tea, then treating yourself to a cup of mint tea probably won't work. If you hate taking baths, a hot bath with candles lit isn't going to feel rewarding to you (although, wow, it sure would to me).

2) You're not allowed to say "I buy whatever you need anyway."

One of the beauties of abstinent treats is that it doesn't have to be something you don't need. It can be something you really, absolutely do need. It can definitely be something you would buy anyway.

What's important is how you frame it. If you really need a new pair of fuzzy slippers, that can be your abstinent treat. If all your socks have holes in them and you need to buy new ones, that's fine too. You just have to say to yourself, as you are buying it "this is my treat for following my eating plan, because this stuff is hard and I am rocking it" (or whatever wording your like).

3) It doesn't have to cost money.

You could treat yourself to a tall cold glass of fizzy water while sitting on your patio watching the sun set. Or cuddling with your dog on the couch for 15 minutes. Or reading a trashy novel you picked up at the library.

I once treated myself to listening to my favorite holiday song while sitting in a dark room with only the Christmas tree lit. Google "free self-care ideas" and see what ideas pop up. Again, you have to frame it as "this is my abstinent treat."

4) You have to tie the treat to your success immediately. 

It won't work to get yourself a fancy new car freshener as a treat for following your food plan three days ago. You get the new car scent thingie the day after your successful day and say "this is my abstinent treat for following my food plan yesterday because this stuff is hard and I'm rocking it!"

5) It cannot be food. It cannot be food. It cannot be food. 

I avoid even using a fancy version of some kind of food that I'd buy anyway. I won't buy a fancy fresh pineapple instead of canned pineapple as a treat. Negotiating a healthful way of eating is hard enough. You need to learn how to reward yourself in ways that do not involve food.

6) You're not allowed to say you can't afford it.

You could afford to buy all those sugary and salty desserts and snacks and fast food for years and years, right? Think of all the money you are saving by not buying that crap now!

More than that, "I can't afford that," it often is code for "I don't think I'm worth it." This is not true (you definitely ARE worth it), and one of the keys of changing your behavior is learning that you are worth treating yourself well.

We often suck at giving ourselves credit for doing hard things. You need to learn how to reward yourself for a job well done. This stuff is hard. Sometimes really, really hard. Sure, other people might not need to treat themselves to a new scented candle votive for eating abstinently for a day. That doesn't mean it won't help YOU.

So try it. Even if it feels silly and you're not at all convinced it will work, try it. Try it for two weeks and see how it feels.

If it helps you, you've got another awesome tool for your abstinent toolbox.

[Note: If you don't have a problem converting "alcohol" to "food", I highly purchasing Belle's audio  "SP005 - A Shitstorm of Treats (are you getting enough sober treats?)" You can find it on her website HERE at http://www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com/store/archivedaudios.htm (scroll down to SP005).

You can also learn more about her concept of "sober treats" (and get tons of other fantastic ideas) in her book, which you can buy HERE: http://www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com/store/100daysoberchallengebook.htm ]

What to say to yourself when you starting asking, "What is the Point? Why Bother?"

I was driving home yesterday from a gig that was 2.5-hours away. That's always danger time for me. Since my work requires a lot of driving, I tend to get easily restless and bored when I have too much time in the car. Audio books and podcasts help, but only so much. Eventually my mind starts to work itself up.

And if it's been a few hours since a meal, my mind really starts winding itself up. Yesterday, at about the 1.5-hour mark, my brain went off on a fairly typical rant having to do with my healthy eating. It went something like this:

Why am I even bothering? What is the point? Why am I doing this? Why bother?

It's a familiar refrain. Really kind of funny, when you think about it because rationally, I know the answer (eating poorly robs me of a healthy brain, is the road to heart disease and stroke and diabetes, just increases the cravings). There are a gazillion reasons why I'm not eating crap anymore or eating in an unhealthy way.

But of course my brain isn't asking this questions because it needs a rational answer. No one's brain really wants the reasoned, scientific answer.

When those thoughts pop up in your brain, there is usually only one reason why:

You're bored. You don't know what to do with yourself. Your brain has slipped into a crack (as it is soooooo good at doing) and is trying to exploit it.

In my experience, your brain asking "why bother?" is virtually always a sign that you're bored or restless or tired.

What it is definitely is NOT a sign of:

that you need to eat something. It means there is a trigger there which you used to respond to with food, but don't anymore. Your brain has noticed the trigger and is asking for food to fill it, because that's what used to happen when you hit that trigger.

So instead, I recommend doing something. Pick up a satisfying hobby. Take out a coloring book. Clean out your closet. Exercise. Make out your food plan for the week. Start planning your holiday gift shopping. Take a nap. Whatever. Find something absorbing to do and see if that doesn't take your brain off the ruminating.

In my case, I turned on the radio, cranked up some high-energy tunes and sang along as loudly as I could. Might have looked a bit odd to my fellow drivers, but it worked for me.

What does it take? It takes what it takes.

Had a HUGE win yesterday. It was a long day — two-hour drive to a gig, a long session afterwards with a dear friend who is coping with job loss and serious marriage crisis. Forgot my pre-packedj weighed and measured lunch at home. Then came home to find my dear little pug Blackie limping and yelping when I tried to pick him up.

Normally, these are the things that would cause me to eat sugar and flour. The voice in my head telling me to eat was SO LOUD. It was like my brain literally thought I was going to die if I didn’t eat right now. I spent an agonizing hour debating in my head.

Finally, a combination of things worked:

— I reminded myself that ANY “use” just increases the cravings for me. It doesn’t make the voice in my head stop. I need to hold fast to my belief that I only eat to nourish my body, not to cope with emotions.

— I reminded myself that I really really really want to keep up the gold stars on my calendar. I have some momentum and don’t want to lose it because it is so hard to get it back.

— I promised myself that I could order a dress I’ve been eyeing for a while IF I didn’t eat. I even

went online and put it in my checkout basket but wouldn’t pay for it until I made it through the night.

— Once I’d reassured myself that my little guy didn’t have a fracture and didn’t need to go to the emergency vet (that is, he’ll be all right to make a visit to the regular vet in the morning), I put him on my lap. So I literally couldn’t get up without potentially hurting him.

Blackie just before being lifted onto my lap

And it WORKED!! It worked.

In the light of morning, this sounds like a ridiculous amount of work just to keep from eating. Honestly, I have to tie myself down with a dog to keep from eating?

But the voice in my head can be ridiculously loud and insistent.

What does it take to keep off sugar and flour? The answer is, always, that it takes what it takes.

I am so happy to wake up today proud of myself, able to add a gold star to my calendar.

And I just ordered that dress!

Little Lies We Tell Ourselves: Part Five

I've posted five blog entries about the lies we tell ourselves to justify continuing to eat sugar and flour.

Here's the last one. And it's a whopper.

Little Lie Number Five: 

Just a little bit won't hurt. Everything in moderation.

My Response:

This thought is the door that opens onto sickness, addiction, and despair. When I find myself using it, it is almost invariably because I'm trying to find an excuse to justify doing something unhealthy.

"Just a little bit won't hurt" leads to just one more little bite. One more more bite leads to eating an entire slice or bag or container.

Any time I give into my brain's request for sugar and flour, it feeds the addictive voice and keeps my cravings alive and loud.

Every bite leads to more, not less, craving. It is much easier to stop.

Get off the sugar and flour train. Eliminating, not moderating, sugar and flour, is the path to health, healing, and happiness.

Because I'm not eating sugar and flour today ...

When you stop eating crap, it's a negative. You've removed something. But you've also added a lot. You've freed up your brainpower, your energy, your health.

Sometimes it helps me to step back and notice all the little things I'm doing today because I'm not messing up my brain with sugar and flour.

So here's today's challenge:

Finish this sentence:

Because I'm not eating sugar and flour today, I ...

• got everything on my to-do list finished by 11 a.m.
• returned all my work emails quickly and without a lot of stress
• finished an essay that has been hanging over my head for a few weeks
• packed up and mailed off to a consignment store clothes that no longer fit me (WIN!)
• decluttered and tidied up a lot of papers around the house that have been piling up
• took a long walk with my pugs and enjoyed the fresh fall air

Not actually me walking a pug. But in my mind, it totally is.

Every time you give up something, you add something to your life. In the case of sugar and flour, when you give them up, you add a LOT to your life.

Little Lies We Tell Ourselves: Part Four

This is my fourth in a series of posts about lies we tell ourselves because we don't want to give up eating sugar and flour and we don't want to start eating more healthfully:

Little Lie Number Four:

I don't have time.

My response:

Thinking we don't have enough time to shop for, prep, and cook fruits and vegetables is one of the most popular excuses we use to not eat well.

And I get it. You do have to shop more frequently if you eat a lot of fresh produce. It does take time to core and deseed bell peppers, peel carrots, chop onions, and all the other gazillion things you need to do, especially when you eat a lot of produce.

But really, I think the time excuse is just an excuse.

The other day, I found myself on the couch scrolling through Instagram. Just a few hours later I was grumbling because the bell peppers need to be prepped and I just didn't want to. So I told myself I didn't have time. Yeah, right, but I had plenty of time for Instagram. It was just an excuse.

My brain wants me to think that prep works takes an unreasonable amount of time and effort because it doesn't want me to eat this way. It wants to give me an excuse to grab a packet of crackers and peanut butter rather than chop and prep bell peppers for lunch.

And I do willingly and happily give myself permission to pay a little extra money to buy pre-prepped veggies. If a store will sell me peeled carrots and pre-cut pineapple, yeah, I'll pay a little more to save myself a little extra work.

But there's more than that. There's a shift in thinking.

When you think about it, eating lots of sugar and flour takes AWAY time. It makes your brain fuzzy so anything involving brainwork takes much longer. It makes you tired so you lose time with family. If you're eating especially large quantities of these things, you're likely to fall into a food coma, frequently.

Heck, you take it to the extreme and notice that eating the Standard American Diet takes away YEARS by robbing you of health, giving you hypertension and high cholesterol, obesity and all the other health complications that come with chronic poor eating habits.

Yes, it takes time to prep veggies, pack your meal in advance if you're taking a road trip, and scan menus to see if the restaurant you're going to has something suitable for you to eat.

But that time is well-spent if it leads to years of healthy, quality living.

It's all about how you choose to see it.

Little Lies We Tell Ourselves: Part Three

Today I want to talk the third lie we tell ourselves when we give up sugar and flour:

Little Lie Number Three:

It's too expensive.

My response:

It is a lot more expensive to recover from a sickness than it is to buy healthy food. Buying healthfully is about thoughtfully spending your hard-earned money to become -- and stay -- well.

Eating healthfully helps stave off infections and reduces your chances of developing obesity-related diseases. You don't have the expenses associated with walkers and wheelchairs from weak knees and hips, pacemakers, physical therapy after a knee or hip replacement. You won't have to buy insulin to manage your diabetes.

Your brain benefits too. A healthy brain functions better. You'll have more money because you'll be making better decisions.

It is a lot less expensive to eat well than to cope with diseases caused by chronic poor eating habits.

Little Lies We Tell Ourselves: Part Two

My previous post talked about the lie we tell ourselves 'this will be hard.' It's not true.

And that's not the only lie we tell ourselves.

Little Lie Number Two:

I don't want to deprive myself.

My response to that:


And it sounds kinda logical, doesn't it? If you white-knuckle yourself into willpower to turn down, say, cake at the office birthday party, it seems to make sense that you'd want a piece of that cake even more.

Weight-loss programs makes tons of money on this doozey. I can't even count the number of times I've heard, "If you deprive yourself of something, it just makes you want it more."

This is why so many weight-loss programs tout moderation. "You can have anything in moderation!" "I can eat anything I want, just in moderation!"

The funny thing is -- it doesn't really work.

Moderation doesn't make me want something less. Whenever I've tried to moderate, it just makes me continue wanting that thing. Every time I have a piece of that cake, I want another. I keep wanting a piece of cake every time I see cake. 

The way I've come to not want cake? By giving it up.

Abstinence makes me want something less, not moderation.

Consider this. No smoking-cessation programs tout moderation as a long-term, lifestyle strategy. I can't name one smoker who decided that having one or two cigarettes a day was much effective in promoting long-term health and wellness than giving them up altogether. 

I've never heard of a drug rehab center that tells addicts, "you can have any drug you want, just in moderation!" (To me, sugar is as addictive and sickness-inducing as cigarettes or drugs.)

So why do weight-loss programs continue to trot this one out -- so persistently?

Probably because the addictive nature of sugar isn't fully accepted and known.

But I think the real reason is because it's what we WANT to hear. Of course, we want to be told not to deprive ourselves. That means we don't have to give up our favorite "hit."

But here's a better way to look at it:

When you give up sugar and flour, we aren't depriving ourselves. Just the opposite. When sugar and flour are a big part of our diet, we rob ourselves of the things we REALLY want -- good health, energy, memory, and a longer, higher quality life.

Getting yourself healthy, well, and happy is about abundance, not deprivation. It's about adding all those good things to your life.

What do you really deprive yourself of when you give up sugar and flour? You deprive yourself of diabetes, depression, poor sleep, headaches, hypertension, dementia, even cancer.

Now those are things I'd happily deprive myself of.

Little Lies We Tell Ourselves: Part One

To kick sugar and flour, I have to get my mind in the right place. Too many people come up with a bazillion excuses to stay sick and addicted.

I've used them myself, over and over. The little lies that keep me fat, shackled, and depressed.

So I want to bring my lies out into the open. No more hiding in the dark recesses of my mind. And with them, I am going to write down the responses that blow them out of the water.

Here we go:

Little Lie Number One:

This will be hard.

My response to that:

It is much easier to focus on getting healthy and recovering than to stay sick/addicted/slowly degrading your brain. Yes, change is hard at first. Any major change is hard at first. The human brain hates changes. Hates, hates, hates it.

So of course it will resist change and try hard to do what it has always done. But with the right attitude, strong strategies, and a firm commitment, it can be hugely rewarding.

Lie number two coming tomorrow ….

[Thanks to Daniel Amen's Memory Rescue book for the inspiration for writing down the little lies I tell myself]

How I am Planning for Halloween

How I am planning for Halloween without sugar and flour:

For those of us living in the U.S., October 31 is a yearly struggle because Halloween is so much about giving out NMF. Stores are filled with it, parties focus on it, kids are thinking of little else.

Here’s my strategy for surviving this week without breaking my sugar-free lifestyle:

— NOT GIVING OUT CANDY FOR HALLOWEEN. I don’t want candy in my house. More than that, it doesn’t feel right to participate in our society’s encouraging sugar addiction in kids. I’m giving out things that feel fun, are inexpensive, and fit the supernatural/otherworldly fun of Halloween: fortune-telling fish, mini Magic 8 balls, glow sticks/glow bracelets
.
— DOING A REALITY CHECK if there's NMF around me. When I’m somewhere where NMF is being offered (bowl on an office desk, at the bank, etc.) I reframe my thoughts, as Susan suggests. It’s not that I “can’t” have some. It’s that “yuck, why would I want to eat that?” Sugar adds NOTHING to my life. All my obsession with food has done is to add misery, weight, sluggishness, illness and low self-esteem to my life. Who wants that? There’s nothing to give up really. I am so lucky — my life is no longer ruled by this yucky stuff.

— AVOID GROCERY SHOPPING. In the days after Halloween, I avoid grocery shopping altogether. NMF is steeply discounted those days so I am stocking up on veggies, fruit, beans, eggs and everything else today. I’ll shop again next weekend when the NMF will be more off the shelves.

The Willpower Myth

When I think about eating sugar and flour, I admit openly and willingly that I'm torn.

On the one hand, I know WHY I need to remove them from my life and keep them removed. I know why I made this decision. I've read a lot about how awful these substances are for my body, my brain, my longevity and my overall quality of life.

And yet. And yet on the other hand, there's still a part of me, two years into this journey, that feels like I'm giving something up. That by not eating sugar and flour, life is somehow … less. It has less pleasure, less joy. I have less ability to cope.

It's a pull, no question. Are you telling me I am going to have to spend the rest of my life resisting the urge to eat sugar and flour? It makes me exhausted just thinking about how much willpower that'll take. And sad, to think of all the joy I'm missing.

What I really need is to help my brain understand, deep down, on a no-questions-about-it level, that sugar and flour as a solution to anything is just a myth and an illusion.

It's hard. Because everywhere we go, every time we turn on the TV or pass a billboard or shop for groceries, we see sugar and flour presented as a way to alter or enhance your mood.

It's absolutely expected we will use it at birthdays and graduations and weddings and job promotions to celebrate. It is essential to holidays and family get-togethers. Want to bond with a child? Bake something with them. Feeling sad or stressed out? Pop down on the couch and have some goodies. No wonder we think sugar and flour have such mood enhancing properties!

But exactly are we thinking flour and sugar will do? If it's a birthday party, we think it'll uplift us, make the occasion more joyful and fun. If it's been a stressful day, we think it'll calm us down, soothe our moods, help us relax. The exact same substances that are supposed to make a celebratory occasion more upbeat, are also expected to make a stressful day feel calmer? What is that all about? Are we really expecting one substance to create one impact on one occasion and completely the opposite impact on another?

Clearly, it doesn't. Sugar and flour aren't Willy Wonka substances that specifically adapt to whatever you are feeling. They don't adapt to alter that particular feeling. They're just chemicals. They work the same way every time.

The only thing that changes from the birthday party to the sad night on the couch is what we think sugar and flour are doing for us. It's our beliefs about what they do for us that change.

So my goal is to change my beliefs -- come to believe that deep down, no question, sugar and flour do nothing for me. They add nothing to me life. They don't add joy, they don't bring calm, they don't alter my mood.

Goals for this week: (1) start paying attention to my beliefs. What is, really, the point of eating sugar and flour? (2) Challenge any thought that pops up suggesting these substances have any point.

[Thanks to Kate Bee for inspiring this post, with a post of her own about her feelings about the myths around alcohol.]

Day 12: Honest Confession (Warning: Might be Triggering Due to Food Mentions)

Day 12 Completed. Very, very wobbly.

I had a horrific day yesterday, food-wise. Consumed with hunger and not wanting to do this. Not wanting to give up the things I love about sugar and flour.

After lunch, I had to stop by the grocery store for corn on the cob for dinner. My local Whole Foods did not have any. No corn on the cob! In Illinois! In summer! Harumph. So I drove over the nearby farmstand and picked up some lovely fresh-picked-this-morning corn and it was delish.

But. But before I did that, I wandered the aisle of Whole Foods and for reasons that flabbergast me, bought some cookies and a big 7-layer bar. Ate the cookies before I even got home. At the bar after dinner in the car on my way to my evening performance. In the interest of full disclosure, I hid them from my husband. Always a sure sign that I'm acting from an addictive place.

So sad for myself. But sooooo determined to figure out what it is that is making me behave this way.

If it is hunger, genuine real hunger, then I need more food.

So I'm going to experiment with increasing my food a little big. My food plan for the next seven days will be:

BREAKFAST: Regular BLE weight-loss plan

LUNCH: 1.5 protein, 1.5 veggies (so, in most cases, 6 oz. meat and 9 oz. veggies)

DINNER: 1.5 protein (so, in most cases, 6 oz. meat)

If Susan Peirce Thompson is right that my public speaking work means I require more food, then an increase like this should result in continued weight loss. I will monitor and see.

Day 11 Report: Fear

I finished my day 11 really wobbly. Like, really wobbly.

And dang it, I always am wobbly right around day 11. The excitement of resuming has worn off. There isn't huge weight loss (yet) to keep me motivated. And the hunger. Oh my Lord, the hunger!

Hunger has been a massive issue for me throughout my Bright Line Eating journey. I've written about it before. And while part of me things I should increase my food, another part always responds that increasing my food is likely to stop my weight loss, which has happened in the past.

Is it the hunger, though? Or is it more the fear of hunger? Rationally, I know that hunger is not an emergency. I know another meal is coming soon.

But when the wave of hunger hits, especially if it's 2, 3, 4 hours before the next meal, I start to panic. My anxiety rises. My stomach clenches. I brace myself for hours of pain and suffering. If I'm in a grocery store, I'm likely to grab for the first thing available. Stop. That. Hunger.

I am terrified of hunger.

So I wonder if what is bothering me is not so much the hunger as it is the fear of the hunger.

The fear that I won't be able to handle it. That it will overwhelm me and carry me down. The fear that letting go of my old eating habits will mean something bad is going to happen.

It's a minor distinction probably. But still an important one.

Plan for today: Get curious about my hunger. When the feelings arise, see if I can distinguish between actual hunger and my fear of that hunger. Is it possible to separate them? And do a reality check.

Worth a try, for sure.

SeptemBLE Day 10 (Not Day 9)

Ok, true confessions. I bobbled a bit on Sunday.

And I didn't even hesitate. I knew I was feeling weak. Knew there were potato chips in the pantry. Deliberately went to the pantry, got them out and ate them. A lot of them.

There's no real question why. My husband and I adopted two pugs this weekend. Due to his prior commitments, my husband couldn't make the 4.5-hour drive with me to get them. The rescue group was lovely, but very uncommunicative so I had little idea what was going on and had to just go with the flow. The pugs are lovely little guys, but they were quite understandably stressed out and anxious. They woke up every 2-3 hours their first night.

So on Sunday I was tired, stressed out, and weak. Food helped, unfortunately.

But here's the really critical thing. I am not going to go back and start counting again on Day One.

I don't "reset" anymore every time I have a wobble. Because if I did, it would imply I'm back to Day One of doing Bright Line Eating (BLE). And I'm not.

Every single day of this journey I've learned something. For this particular break, I learned to pay close attention to my sleep patterns, which are major signals of an upcoming relapse.

What could I have done differently?

1) Insisted we work it out so that both hubby and I could travel to get the pups

2) Insisted, obnoxiously if necessary, on being informed of the plans so I wouldn't get anxiety over the not knowing

3) Trusted the history of the dogs' crate-training to know they'd be happier sleeping in their crate

4) Mentally prepared myself for the reality that moving to a new home is stressful for dogs. Logically, I knew this but I didn't really acknowledge it and brace myself for it.

These things are important boundary-setters. And boundaries are soooo important to my food journey.

So yesterday, September 10 was my TENTH day of the current resume. I'm not resetting to zero because I'm not at zero. Every day is a step in the right direction.

And as a follow-up, yesterday was a squeaky-clean awesomely bright BLE day.

Day Seven: Tune Out the Food Chatter

I spent four and a half hours in the car yesterday, driving to a big city to pick up the new dogs my husband and I are adopting. My husband has a meeting he cannot miss, so I made the drive myself.

I love long drives because they provide lots of time to delve into a good book. For me, I decided to re-listen to a book called Brain Over Binge by Kathryn Hansen (you can find a link to the book below). It’s one I’ve read before, not because I suffered from Binge Eating Disorder, but because I thought intuitive eating was the way to go for me.

At the time, it didn’t resonate much. Her journey, which she describes in poignant, honest detail, involves bouts with binging. But I wasn’t a binger. I didn’t tend to eat huge quantities of food at a time.

My problem wasn’t how to stop bingeing, it was how to stop compulsively overeating. So I didn’t know how to implement her ideas. What do I stop? I wasn’t getting accurate information from my body about what and how much to eat. I wasn’t sure what to do with her approach. book went onto the bookshelf.

This time, though, wow. What a difference. Now that I’ve got two years of trying to do Bright Line Eating, and I know what I need to stop doing (stop eating sugar and flour and stop eating between meals), this book suddenly clicked.

She advocates the idea that in an addiction, the ancient, reptile brain (the part that controls basic bodily functions like eating) comes to see the addictive behavior as a necessary life function. When an urge hits, it’s because the body believes it has to do that thing right now or it will die.

The prefrontal cortex, however, is the part of the brain that represents your truer self. It’s the brain that knows that binging (or smoking or drinking alcohol or whatever) is not right for you. It’s the part of you that wants to recover from your addictive brain.

The reptile brain has a critical role to play in your life because it produces life-sustaining urges. If it’s sending out an urge to breathe, that’s great. But when it thinks binging (or smoking or drinking) is vital and sends out that urge to binge (or drink or smoke or whatever), that’s false information. It’s just neurological junk. Your reptile brain doesn’t know the difference. It just thinks it needs that hit as vitally as it needs a breath of oxygen.

In Brain Over Binge she learned to separate herself from the false urges. When an urge to binge arose, she just told herself it was brain junk that should be ignored.

That is what hit me so powerfully. Maybe every urge I get to eat off my BLE plan is just false information my brain is sending me. Maybe the key to staying on plan is to start ignoring those urges.

Not everything in this book fits me. She decided not to eliminate certain food groups, but I find the idea of abstaining from sugar and flour compelling. And she did not feel emotional pressures tended to trigger her binges, but in my case they really do.

Still, I’m going to try this approach, setting aside what doens’t work for me.

Every time I get an urge to have a snack between meals, to eat a little bit extra than what I planned for, to eat some crackers or bread or other flour-based food, I’m going to tell myself:

“This isn’t my real brain. This is just brain junk my animal brain is sending me. I don’t need to pay attention to it. I can just observe it and let it go.”

This is fundamentally different from what I’ve been doing for two years. My usual approach when an urge hits is to hang on for dear life. I try to white knuckle through it. I try to distract myself from the food thoughts, wait 10 minutes for the urge to subside.

Those never work. The food thoughts don’t go away. And no wonder! My reptile brain thinks it needs its food hit to survive.

But viewing urges as false junk my brain is sending me, well that means I don’t need to fight it. I just need to notice it as junk info. And let it go.

This approach now seems both transformative and exciting. So I’m going to try it for the next few days.

If you’re interested in the book, you can see more information about it here: http://a.co/d/euz34Tv

Day Six: Remove the Temptation

I’m
 remembering how fragile the early days of a resume on my food plan is.

The voice in my head (the one that thinks I need to eat sugar and flour the way I need oxygen) is really really LOUD. It’s such a struggle to remind myself that that voice is not the real me. That’s just my addictive brain, thinking it’s doing what’s best for me.

I’m realizing that in these early days, the most important thing I can do is to remove temptation. And by “remove temptation,” I don’t mean just get things with sugar and flour out of the house. Although that’s important. My poor husband has no goodies for himself because I’ve been relentless in getting rid of them.

What I mean by “remove temptation” is to be ruthless. When it’s early and you’re fragile, you need to smooth the way before yourself. That means, yes, get rid of sugar and flour in the house. It also means:

— Don’t go out to restaurants for meals. Not forever, but for sure for now. Eating in restaurants takes extra work and has extra risks. There will be plenty of time to eat in restaurants when your plan is more solid.

— If at all possible, don’t go to events where food is the main focus. Your book club’s Like Water for Chocolate tasting event? That would be a no. But also your family’s trip to the baseball game, if baseball games used to be all about the food for you. Or whatever. Of course, some events you can’t skip, so for those make a really strong plan, commit to it, and leave early if you need to.

— Don’t make treats for your daughter’s soccer team meet or your nephew’s birthday. Ask someone else to pick up the dessert.

— Don’t read novels that are heavily food-focused

— Don’t decide to update your family cookbook, the one with your grandmother’s recipes for holiday treats. (Guilty).

For some unbeknownst reason, I decided that this week would be the perfect week to start typing recipes up for a revision to my family’s book of favorite recipes. It hasn’t been updated in 18 years, and two of my nieces just moved into places of their own, so the time is right. Doing it now (early September) means it’ll be done in time to be printed for Christmas.

But man, do recipes stir up emotions! I spent two hours yesterday typing up recipes for Granny’s Kolacky and my mother’s famous Thanksgiving turkey and my aunt’s wonderful lemon bars.

Not only did it steep me in happy memories of these wonderful women, who I miss so much. It also filled me with memories of these wonderful foods, prepared with such love and served at happy occasions. It reminded me of how I started using food to express love.

So no, not a good decision. But a good reminder that when you’re early in the game, you need to be vigilant about removing any and all temptation. No more cookbook updating for me until I’ve got a bit more momentum on this journey.

Day five: underwhelm, underwhelm, underwhelm

Day five of my current resume completed. All four of my bright lines are shiny and bright.

And you know why? Because I had a day with no stress. Zero. Everything went easy-peasy. No bad traffic. No work stress. No phone calls or emails that got me riled up.

The house is clean. I wasn’t waiting anxiously for news about anything. It was just ... easy.

And I’m always surprised what a huge impact that has on my eating behavior. In these first early days of getting back on track, this is exactly what I need. To keep the stress levels low. Keep things easy. Don’t take on unnecessary issues. Do the minimum.

Ok, I know, that isn’t always possible. You can’t just stop you life. But you can cut back on anything inessential.

Belle Robertson of tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com puts it this way: “Strive for underwhelm.” She recommends that people aiming for alcohol sobriety do the minimum necessary. Don’t just enough at work so you don’t get fired. Eliminate invitations out. Order take-out for dinner. Go to bed at 7:30 if you need to. Strive for underwhelm.

The same applies to food recovery too. Treat yourself as if you are recovering from a really awful bout of the flu. Don’t say yes to invitations out unless you really, really have to. Eat at home as much as you can; restaurants can be too overwhelmingly tempting.

Pamper yourself with whatever you’ve got that’s healthy: hot baths, going to be really early, that special herbal tea you love.

Avoid overwhelm in whatever way you can. These early days of squeaky-clean lines are precious and deserve some pampering